Introduction

Confessions of a Backdoor Betty: Why I Love Anal Sex and Why I Wrote This Book Confessions Yes, I admit it—I love anal sex.

The first time someone put a finger in my butt, I almost went crazy from the pleasure. The sensations I experienced were so intense, incredible, and heavenly that it was mind-blowing.

I felt high from the experience, and I couldn’t wait to do it again. The first time I put my finger in someone else’s butt, the results were just as fabulous—I felt entrusted with my partner’s deepest vulnerabilities, in awe of the ecstatic pleasure I could give.

Then came more fingers, tongues, vibrators, small dildos, bigger dildos, butt plugs, a penis, bigger butt plugs, even an entire small hand.

Each time I could take a little more and give a little more, I felt more sexually alive and powerful. As I incorporated anal eroticism into my sex life, my sex life became better and better.

The sex got hotter, my partners extra adventurous, my orgasms fierce and explosive. The physical sensations were undeniably some of the best I’d ever felt in my life.

I confess too that beyond the deep body gratification, the naughtiness of it all really turned me on. Even my most kinky, sexually liberated friends weren’t doing this—or if they were, they never talked about it (and I knew the intimate details of everything else they were doing in bed).
Only sexually voracious gay men fucked each other’s asses with abandon the way I was. Neither my partners nor I identified as gay men, so what did we think we were doing?

Too Many Myths Growing up in this culture, it is nearly impossible to escape the taboo of anal sexuality and all the myths surrounding it. From an early age, we are taught that our assholes are private, dirty, and shouldn’t be touched in a sexual way.

Whether we learn about the birds and the bees from popular books or in sex education class, the anus is rarely mentioned, unless to say it’s behind our genitals.

As I grew up, I heard “fag jokes” about men who “do each other in the butt”; these men were derided for their practice of anal sex. If we do hear about people other than gay men having sex, they are usually labeled “kinky” or “perverted,” and the sex is clearly considered abnormal.

When anal sex is acknowledged as an erotic preference in sex research and popular advice columns, it is portrayed as a fantasy of straight men whose women partners endure pain in order to please.

There are rarely representations of women who enjoy anal sex with either men or women. Most recently, anal sex has been linked to the AIDS virus and represented as dangerous and even deadly.

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